I'VE FINALLY FINISHED MY FAMILY AND YOUTH REPORT !!!! SWEEEEEET !!!!!!!!
sch ended super late td the day before. haha 6 pm. and i rushed out of the theatre. it was super cold for me. couldn't take it. so i reached hme bout 6.40pm and i slept like a log till 9.30pm. the sleep was super niceeee.
but not that refreshing. i got up and my head was kinda heavy and spinning. it still is heavy and spinning now. starting slogging my brain off at 10pm for my Family and Youth Report till NOW.
so happy it's done !!!! next is NE report. tmr, or friday.
just so sad that i've gotta miss band pract on tues and wed. ahhhhhhh i think i'm lagging behind alr. damnit. haha saturday. i'll go if i'm well enough to blow into the flute. HAHA
EMERGE ! EMERGE ! in just another few hours time !
POS ! POS ! in another 14hours. (i think. i can't count now. HAHA)
can't wait ! BYE
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
here's a sick and tired girl sitting in front of her computer. she's trying hard to control her feelings, trying hard to concentrate on her tutorials and test tmr. but all that's in her mind now, is nothing but flashbacks, hurts and vulgarites, even from years ago.
she felt like tearing up her books right that instance ! what's wrong?! what's wrong?!
she needs help. from someone who knows. from someone who understood. from someone who do not just speak chunks after chunks of words like as if everything's as simple as waving your hands.
it's not. it's not. but who knows? who ever knows how exactly does she feel? feelings can never be expressed or described precisely just by words. words are dead. you make them alive. but feelings are never dead.
she's tired. every inch of her that you knew is fading away slowly. that fire and confidence that she may have shown is breaking down.
her mouth used to be filled with fire when her heart was filled with anger. but now all she can do, is to sigh and bury herself away from the world.
her fingers are getting tired too. she needs rest from everything and everyone. she only hopes to stop all the bumming and humming of voices around her. she wished she can be deaf for a month or so.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Sunday, May 27, 2007
tears rolling down my tired face. uncontrollable. it just can't be stopped.
all the emotions are let out, all at one go.
but still i didn't feel much better after it. it's still there.
the troubles and emotions. i don't know how to put it into words. much more to anyone.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Friday, May 25, 2007
i'm tired. i'm pissed off just by thinking what happened.
i don't wanna care anymore.
was i even given a choice?
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Thursday, May 24, 2007
i can't stand it. they are too alike ! HAHA (:
BBQ! whoooo and jia's birthday. had loads of fun. glad jia came after our persuasion, else our plan will fall flat. HAHA :D
pictures with RAH. SOON SOON ! :DD
BYE.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
i'm super tired. my eyes are closing. but i've still got tutorials to rush. ):
bad time management! i miss him. BYE.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Monday, May 21, 2007
ok. i hate it. i hate it. i SUPER HATE IT !
wth. today's not exactly a good day for me. bad day. bad day. bad day.
things crop up here and there. i realised she really changed. stop sighing here and there can you? things will never go your way ALL the time! ya whatever.
i'm so pissed off now. like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! so many things going on !
ok i shall STOP RANTING. and no one's at fault.
BYE.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Sunday, May 20, 2007
the way i ask sucked. my words unimportant. my feelings hurt by your words. what a friend.
it was far for me too. i didn't complain. i can't judge you. only He can. shhhhhhhhhh..
ok i shall lower my expectations. no no, i can't. my best friend. goodbye?
; bottled tears.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
i hate it when people grow up. & forget how innocent they were when they are a child. the fun they had being a kid. i need you.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
sometimes no matter how hard, how hard, you try to supress your anger, it just can't be kept down. it's like, you expect so much more from them, other than just nagging, but all they do is speak of nasty words. yes, communications is important. and no doubt i let my past experiences take the better of me. once bitten twice shy. especially by people so close to you. i tried my best to communicate, to get closer. okay maybe not exactly my very best, but at least i tried right? okay i know it's not enough, never enough, but they don't seem to want to understand me more. just by mere asking, is it so difficult? is nagging all they can do? can they at least ASK for reasons? so they rather i come home early and starve then to have my hunger filled? i know they worry, but what exactly have i done to lose that trust? at least i report as and when, at least i called and ask. and i do ask everytime. why don't they see my effort?
well sometimes i feel, it's so true that only one "person" know me the best, who never gave up on me, giving me strenght when i ask for it, blessing me and guiding me through everything.
i thank You for everything. (:
One life, I lay at Your altar. One love, to be with You. One word, You know I will follow. One heart, broken to You.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
haha i'm finally home early ! oh okay not exactly early-early. but at least earlierthan, midnight right? HEH :D
returning of scores got me to STARBUCKS ! *slurps*
starbucky with min ! java chip & caramel frapp. now my left-over cravings are fish co. and subsubsubway !
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh one week's going to be over SOON. it's like, time's flying, faster and faster. which means ICAs drawing near, PROJECTs drawing near. BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i've gotta start prioritising !
motivation .motivation. motivation. motivation.
whooooohooooooo. can't wait for pract tmr so i can go nuts and be happy and crazy and forget all troubles ! :DDD
my section's fun ! but the juniors DO drive me NUTS. and i can't wait for sat too :DDD
time for dinner then tutorials. heh my last tutorial for the week ! BYE.
oh when can i mahjong again? :D
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
staring at the screen, wondering what to do. i guess i've let down some people, including myself. sigh. i'm mustering all my strength and energy to pick up the pen to do the tuts. but it's so heavy.
MOTIVATION !
it's strange how i can be so happy during band and suddenly so, slient, deep in thoughts when i reach home. it scares me. it's really scary.
sometimes i feel, my wish is so simple. but it seems so difficult. HAHA (:
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! i wanan go for a holiday ! HAHA when sch has just started for only 3 weeks. :/
HELP ! what should i do ?
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Sunday, May 13, 2007
it's when people are busy that they forget bout things, both important and unimportant.
---
saw the news, got a shock. hope they're doing fine. God bless
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
sometimes friends forget you so easily. i'm afraid.
; blue black
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Friday, May 11, 2007
i'm craving for starbucks. ):
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
what can you do when you need something but afraid to ask for? somethings can never be asked.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Sunday, May 06, 2007
it's sunday evening. i ought to be doing my tutorials. but i'm so lazyyyyyyyyy to do them !!!! 6 tutorials ! :/
i rather stare at the com though i have nothing to do online. heh.
jolenekoh(:
______________________________
Saturday, May 05, 2007
(:
smiling yet may not exactly be as strong as the shell shows itself as. full of zest, yet falling and cracking deep within.
what's happening? everything's falling in a swirl.